Not the Coffee

8 Jan

So, last night I braved the grocery store after 4 pm.  I try never to do this.

Mostly because people are insane.  Also because I greatly dislike rude, invasive people behind me in the self-checkout line.  I happened to get behind what may have been the slowest moving people in the entire store.  That was fine by me, because it meant people were not forming a line behind me and I could stare at Pinterest for long, interrupted minutes.  Then, when it was my turn to start scanning groceries, three different people jumped in line behind me.  All three stared me down as I fumbled over produce codes, scanned my groceries, and then took time running back and forth to bag stuff because the belt was full.  Ahhhhhh ANXIETY!   The one lady was giving me her most serious “annoyed” face and I could feel my cheeks flush.  I wanted to scream: “Find another line, because I am doing all of  the things here!”  As if I am purposely costing her more time with my shenanigans.

Self-checkout, while stressful, is my preferred method of checkout because people do not know how to bag groceries properly.  I don’t think anyone should ever have to say to a grocery employee, “Excuse me, sir, but I would not like my harsh cleaning chemicals bagged with my organic, cage-free chicken.”  (I’m not trying to sound snobby here, but I spend extra money for food which has not been exposed to all those chemicals.  I guess maybe I should be buying less harsh cleaning products.  Hanging my head in hypocritical shame, I just avoid the whole situation and do my own thing at self-checkout.

Save your judgement!

I’m not sure how to feel about my trip to the store.  I ended up spending something like $90 and came home with very little.  It doesn’t help that my cupboards are completely empty.  I ended up eating an egg sandwich for dinner.  I was too impatient to even toast the bread, let alone get a pic of it so you will just have to use your imagination on that one.  Throughout the night, I think I did pretty well.  I find that in the evenings, I eat constantly.  But, not because I’m hungry.  Its more like mindless snacking while I’m winding down.  The only thing I snacked on last night was a handful of yogurt-covered raisins!  I went to bed with an empty, but comfortable stomach and woke up feeling great!

I actually jumped out of bed the first time my alarm went off and got in the shower.  It may have had something to do with this though:

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On my way out the door this morning, I snatched up an orange and an english muffin with peanut butter.  I even remembered to grab the sugar free creamer that I bought last night.  Listen, some things will take longer to adjust to than than others.  My coffee is one of those things, which is not surprising since coffee imbibing takes up so much of the day.

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When I walked downstairs, all I could think was: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – NOT THE COFFEE.

Yes, I know that fancy pants Coffee Mate creamers have sucralose.  That’s probably why it tasted so good with the half packet of Splenda I shamelessly poured into my cup with it.  I feel like depriving yourself of things you want and love is basically just self-sabotage.  If I’ve removed Diet Coke (and a lot of it, at that) from my diet, then I think I’m entitled to a few tablespoons of artificial sweetening to get me through my morning.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making changes in phases, if it helps you commit to something long-term.  I’m not giving myself any reason to jump ship.

Even though I feel like I have to defend my choice (to myself), when all was said and done, the sugar-free carmel macchiato creamer and Splenda packet didn’t even make my coffee taste that good.  Isn’t that funny?!  I don’t like things I drink to be too sweet.  In fact I normally use Truvia in my coffee, which is almost like unsweet sweetener.  I think my will-power is being a little bit stubborn.  This morning was a reminder that, sometimes, lasting change doesn’t just happen overnight. To be successful, you have to be flexible and be patient with your self.  Even though I know I didn’t make the healthiest choice that was available (which probably would have been not to drink coffee at all!), I was able to have a little bit of my guilty pleasure and lower the amount of sugar I eat.

I’ll drink to that!

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