Halfway Point: Checking In

Y’all.

Yesterday, I ran longer than I ever ran in my WHOLE LIFE.

2.25 miles.

Its exhilarating to think that I get to say that every week.  I get to have that moment over and over again.  Its crazy to think that in a few short weeks, I will be hitting the 3 mile mark.  I know in the grand scheme of life, 3 miles is not a very long distance.  But, I honestly never thought I would get to that point or even the point I’m at, for that matter.  It hasn’t been easy.  It hasn’t been as hard as I thought, though, either.  It’s funny to think about what we as humans are able to accomplish if we simply put our minds to it.  Cliché, I know.  But so very true.  I’m re-learning the meaning of dedication, of commitment.  Re-assessing and challenging where I thought my limits were.

I am exactly 30 days out from my first 5K (the first 5K that I will be running, not walking), halfway through my training program.  I feel nervous.  I feel excited.  I feel tired.  I feel strong.  I feel prepared and unprepared.  I have so many feelings about it, I don’t even know what to feel!  I’m not setting my expectations high.  I’m not even expecting my time to make it on the results page, because yes, I run incredibly slow.  But, I will be crossing the same finish line as the fastest runner.  And that’s good enough for me.  The bar I’m setting for myself is located at the finish line, no matter how long it takes me to get there.

Training is tedious.  Its not what I would consider “fun,” by any stretch of the imagination (although running is).  I’ve learned that training is just challenging.  Me vs. myself.  Me vs. my own expectations.  Me vs. my body.  I’m addicted to it.  I think about it all day long.  I think about it every time I take a bite of food or a drink.  Halfway to race time and I am still a nervous wreck about pacing myself.  I am so used to the auto-pace of the treadmill that when I get outside, I’m a complete mess.  There’s a quote that I look at every day by Dr. George Sheehan, a cardiologist and running author.  He wrote:  “It’s very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners.  Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.”  I’m working on channeling that into my training, slowing down, and getting to know my little voice.

Deciding to train for a race is the best, hardest, most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.  Even more than earning my Master’s degree.  I knew I could do that.  I knew it would be hard, but I knew I could do it.  Until I started training for this 5K, I never really believed I could do it.  I never believed in myself.  But, I did it and I still am doing it and I will continue to do it until I cross that finish line.  I don’t know who I’m kidding, I picture a lot of finish lines in my future.