Tag Archives: pep talk

“Life does not start and stop at your convenience, Donny.”

15 May

The last 2 weeks have felt like I’m trying to walk a mile through a foot of honey.  I mean that figuratively (see: My legs are fine, yet I’ve managed to do absolutely NOTHING fitness related).  We were planning on moving to a new house, but at the last minute we decided we could make more money flipping it.  My heart is broken that I won’t be using the newly remodeled, gorgeous kitchen but I know this is a better decision for us.

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Honestly, it will take a miracle to find something that beats the location of our current house!!  Now, I am trying to reorganize the current house because half of our stuff is packed up and strewn all around.  Fun times!  It’s actually a good opportunity for us to get everything in order and purge some unnecessary belongings.  Needless to say, my race/fitness budget is tighter than ever.  I know that my last post said I will be running the Erie Half Marathon, but 2 days ago the full marathon sold out.  I won’t be able to register until the beginning of June.  GAH!

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Keep your fingers crossed for me, I don’t want to have to go on the waiting list!  If it’s mean to be, it will be.  Otherwise, I will have to find another fall half marathon. 😦  And I really want to do the flat one.  😦  LOL!!

I’ve managed to stay on track with nutrition MOSTLY since the relay, but we all know what happens if I lose momentum with fitness…

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Running a half marathon isn’t my only goal and I need to keep sight of them all, finding balance every day.  My major goal for 2014 is to get down to my goal weight:  I’m 23 lbs. away from just being in the overweight BMI range (as opposed to staying in the obese BMI range like I am now), but 43 lbs. away from being in the healthy BMI range. The OMG-eat-everything-in-sight urge that running gives me combined with a real lack of commitment has sort of hindered my progress towards that goal so far.  I’ve dropped a few pounds since January, obviously, but the level of activity that I’m putting in right now isn’t going to get the job done.  I’m only managing to maintain my current weight, still fluctuating within 10 lbs. of my starting weight on any given day.  23 lbs. honestly isn’t even that much weight, I don’t know what my problem is!  Oh yeah, chocolate.

Beginning TODAY (no, not tomorrow, not this weekend, not Monday, TODAY), I am really committing myself to this HIIT / Tabata strength training in addition to the one my trainer assigned me AND maintaining regular cardio.  If there is anything I’ve learned from the journey thus far it is this:  You will only get out of it what you put into it.  And boy am I sick of being this size.  It’s the time of year where I need to be buying summer clothes and I am nowhere near happy with how my body looks.  But, I will get there.  I will get there.  I will get there.  The only thing stopping me is me!

It’s time to BUCKLE DOWN.

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This chick abides, man.

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Just a bit of self reflection…

10 Jan

Yesterday afternoon, I noticed that I still get that knot in my stomach as my car slowly climbs the hill leading to the gym.  It’s a nervous, excited feeling that I get anytime I do something new or am faced with a decision.  It’s a strangely good yet uncomfortable feeling:  like butterflies exploding followed by a feeling I can only describe as swimming to the surface of water but being jerked back by something.  Anxiety is fun, isn’t it?  It’s a constant battle within myself.  Do I want to take the risk of what could happen?  Will I sink or will I fly?  Oftentimes, the situation results in neither.  Instead, I am gifted an anti-climactic exhale in which I realize I have again made a big fuss about nothing.

I parked my car, climbed all of the stairs, and entered the gym last night.  I could feel my breath get caught in my lungs as I realized that there were NEW PEOPLE there.  New to me anyway.  Did I mention that I get the sinky feeling every time I have to deal with change as well?  Change and choices.  Thank God those aren’t common.  Fun times up in here!

The anxiety-riddled half of my brain is off-set completely by the other ultra-competitive half.  A few of my acquaintances have been talking about working out on social media and I mentioned to a mutual friend that I didn’t think the one girl (I’m not in her fan club, let’s just say that!) would stick with it.  My friend disagreed, stating that the girl in question happens to be a very determined person and once she set her mind to something, she usually achieved it.  I was immediately offended, of course, because who does she think she is prancing around leaving FB statuses peppered with all that determination.

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I began 2013 feeling  determined, but ended feeling like I had forfeited along the way; obviously this has left me feeling resentful of other people’s success.  It was now up to me to out determine my so-called “determined” acquaintance because obviously I have to do better than her.  Oh, wait, you mean that’s irrational?  Don’t care.  When I wanted to bolt from the new gym people, my mind flashed to her and I picked my favorite treadmill despite there being 2 people in its circumference.  In your face, Facebook friend.  Bonus: anxiety completely forgotten.

Have you ever had a full conversation or debate with your organs?  A mile into my run, my brain said You did great!  You can totally stop at 1 mile, pat yourself on the back and go home feeling good!  and then my legs said Feeling a little sore, but we can def go another mile…  and then my lungs said We are 100% fine!  We’re not even out of breath!  and so then I’m confused.  My brain is feeling like I want to stop, but the rest of my body wants to keep going.  I kept running, taking a mental step back to inventory the situation.  This is what running is about, really, why I chose it.  There will be times when you are done mentally and times when your body will give out.  But I chose running so that I could challenge that little voice inside of my head when she tries to fill me with doubt.  I am addicted to the feeling I get when I rise above that voice, when I chose not to let my fear of flight keep me from taking off.  So, I kept going.  Really, I kept going because of my silly competitive psyche.  That alone would’ve kept me going.  But, I also kept going because I managed to muster up some mental toughness and shield me from my doubts, uncertainties, and that smug bitch in the back of my head who wants me to fail.

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This isn’t just a little story about how my competitiveness overrode my anxiety, it’s the story of how my biggest weakness provided me with a goal.  I hope that in 2014, I am able to manufacture more of that.  Determination.  Toughness.  Mental grit.  I can’t think of a better replacement for all the anxiety and doubt that’s bottled up in there now.

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